Truth in relationships can sometimes be very misleading. Most women would regard honesty as one of the most important qualities in a partner – in fact, women are always banging on about honesty, except for when they’re busily applying make-up or buying the latest push-up bra. And therein lies yet another acorn of confusion for the well-meaning yet put-upon man: we don’t have as many tricks up our sleeves (or in any other part of our clothing) when it comes to our appearance, but what’s wrong with adding a touch of make-up to the truth now and again?

I’m not talking about Jeffrey Archer-style levels of deceit here, it’s just that sometimes you need the odd white lie to ensure the smooth running of a relationship. Still don’t believe me? Here are the top 3 lies that men simply have to tell women:

1. You look great!
   Any man who’s ever seen a woman try on a new dress, pair of shoes, haircut or lipstick has at some stage uttered these words and not meant them. Often it’s not an outright lie, more a polite way of saying ‘I don’t really care either way, I’m just fed up of you asking me the same question ad infinitum while you try out every available article of clothing in your wardrobe / this shop. Please let me go’. Personally, if it’s got to the stage where you’re asking my opinion on your appearance, I’ve already decided that I fancy you and must trust your dress sense; I’ll be happy as long as you don’t start dressing like Beth Ditto, Pat Butcher or Jodie Marsh. Especially when I take you to meet my parents for the first time.
   
   
   
2. I don’t think she’s attractive
   Actually, that should be ‘I can see what you mean, but I don’t think she’s attractive’, because this lie is always prefaced by the woman saying something like ‘God, she’s gorgeous’ or ‘I wish I had her hips’. This can be said about someone in the paper, off the telly or (red alert!) in front of you at the time. Paper and telly totty are easily dealt with, it’s much easier to pretend that you don’t fancy the pants off someone if you’re not likely to ever have the chance to do something about it. The problem comes when there’s a living, breathing, flirting babe in the vicinity. The best a man can do here is avoid all eye contact, keep chit-chat to an absolute, bland minimum and maintain constant body contact with his partner. Especially if the slim-hipped temptress is a new work colleague who will therefore be spending more time with you than your partner does.
   
3. It’s not you, it’s me 
   We say this because we’re cowards and really don’t want to go through a list of things that we once found cute but now severely piss us off, especially since it might mean having to cope with waterworks from someone who’ll be out of our life in less than an hour. To the best of my knowledge, no man has ever finished a relationship with a beautiful girl who’s still hot in the sack and fetches his beer from the fridge while he watches the football because of issues that he has. So never, ever believe this classic break-up cliche, if he’s finishing it then it’s not him and it’s definitely you.

The general theme here is that men are not by nature nasty, deceitful cads who are particularly interested in hiding anything from you, more that we just want an easy life. Of course we’d love to be able to tell you the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth the whole time, but you sometimes put us in a position where we have no choice but to lie through our teeth. So it’s not me, it’s you… and if you believe that, you’ll believe anything.