Cottage cheese thighs and a belly that jiggles.

Unpainted toenails

And a cold sore that tingles.

How will I ever be ready for Summer

With a list like this and I’m just getting plumper!

Celery and water, the Atkins or the Zone?

Which diet to follow

To look like a clone

Nicole, Lindsay, Angelina or Posh?

Okinawa tea or just orange squash?

Oh why can’t I just settle for what I was given

Without feeling ugly

And so unforgiving

Of all the rakes that scrape across this earth

Is it through diet or God-given right at birth?

Cottage cheese thighs, will you ever go away

Without the aid of lipo

Or some pill off Ebay?

Summer is upon us and I want to show off

But without the perfect body, I’d have to bog off.

See, I have this thing for biscuits and a sausage roll or two.

Putting down the crisps

Is a hard thing to do.

So I have this dilemma – size zero or size twelve?

You know what?  Screw it! Diets are bad for your health!